Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
