Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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