It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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