she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
