Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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