JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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