I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
