She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
