Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
