why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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