You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
