new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
