Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Your cock deserves a montage
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
