I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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