I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
