so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You pole danced in your parka.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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