you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Everything about him screamed your future.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
