How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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