i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
