You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions