i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you had me at cake vodka
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
