Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
