Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.

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  (760): new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever. http://tfl.nu/8efz
  Replies (33) Good night (668) Bad night (8105)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight

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  (304): I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight http://tfl.nu/2lmk
  Replies (23) Good night (4673) Bad night (1225)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society

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  (614): I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society http://tfl.nu/ns4r
  Replies (20) Good night (3364) Bad night (1205)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?

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  (708): So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS? http://tfl.nu/0qn8
  Replies (25) Good night (1919) Bad night (4254)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training

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  (519): I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training http://tfl.nu/kvls
  Replies (12) Good night (3226) Bad night (1843)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.

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  (618): I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera. http://tfl.nu/5ed2
  Replies (4) Good night (2435) Bad night (664)
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  (650): View more from California

  My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.

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  (650): My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings. http://tfl.nu/futo
  Replies (14) Good night (2212) Bad night (806)
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.

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  (779): Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright. http://tfl.nu/yk6p
  Replies (8) Good night (1137) Bad night (743)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?

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  (515): I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life? http://tfl.nu/j85t
  Replies (3) Good night (699) Bad night (922)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen

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  (647): You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen http://tfl.nu/up6u
  Replies (3) Good night (942) Bad night (1433)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT

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  (503): THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT http://tfl.nu/3zvj
  Replies (13) Good night (576) Bad night (1573)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Did I run away from you last night?

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship

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  (757): Did I run away from you last night? (240): Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship http://tfl.nu/2q6b
  Replies (2) Good night (719) Bad night (322)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.

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  (478): So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando. http://tfl.nu/7jrk
  Replies (6) Good night (890) Bad night (355)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours

  (325): View more from Texas

  Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin

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  (325): I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours (325): Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin http://tfl.nu/emaj
  Replies (11) Good night (1036) Bad night (298)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.

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  (412): In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is. http://tfl.nu/p6qy
  Replies (3) Good night (686) Bad night (233)

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