dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The Olympian is in my bed