Texts From Last Night

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  (352): View more from Florida

  She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.

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  (352): She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all. http://tfl.nu/8svu
  Replies (31) Good night (2774) Bad night (1333)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji

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  (508): this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji http://tfl.nu/f9w1
  Replies (9) Good night (1221) Bad night (2246)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp

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  (201): I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp http://tfl.nu/qhzj
  Replies (32) Good night (5343) Bad night (979)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.

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  (613): She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard". (202): Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded. http://tfl.nu/4upv
  Replies (39) Good night (6832) Bad night (1035)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.

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  (717): James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks. http://tfl.nu/8rn4
  Replies (17) Good night (5814) Bad night (933)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!

  (623): View more from Arizona

  It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...

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  (602): If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection! (623): It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now... http://tfl.nu/u3ol
  Replies (6) Good night (2502) Bad night (774)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.

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  (614): They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor. http://tfl.nu/swbu
  Replies (24) Good night (1350) Bad night (3525)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.

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  (615): Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place. http://tfl.nu/527t
  Replies (2) Good night (1984) Bad night (541)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.

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  (813): Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night. http://tfl.nu/yhd7
  Replies (5) Good night (1408) Bad night (464)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.

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  (919): He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP. http://tfl.nu/0m9q
  Replies (4) Good night (489) Bad night (1397)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project

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  (207): I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project http://tfl.nu/3ddm
  Replies (1) Good night (1149) Bad night (352)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.

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  (210): It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger. http://tfl.nu/wgf0
  Replies (1) Good night (821) Bad night (720)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"

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  (609): You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?" http://tfl.nu/1kzs
  Replies (9) Good night (2567) Bad night (549)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story

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  (254): Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story http://tfl.nu/vkqr
  Replies (6) Good night (1195) Bad night (495)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  It's like the blind leading the senile over here.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.

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  (541): It's like the blind leading the senile over here. (541): UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili. http://tfl.nu/cgpf
  Replies (7) Good night (1899) Bad night (1038)

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