the condom got lost in my hair
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
