i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
