Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
