either way he was missing a nipple.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
