I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
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I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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