And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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