he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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