dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
