I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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