when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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