wat bout pragnant strippers??
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
