totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Vodka?
Forever.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
