It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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