if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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