White coat. Heels.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
