i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Randomize
