i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
