It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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