I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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