Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
