so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
