i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
