Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
