So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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