I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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