I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
