Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
