u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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