why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
