Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
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When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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