I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
