thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
