once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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