Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
