just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch