I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
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I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over