There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.