My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
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I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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