Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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