Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
