He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
