update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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