new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
