I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
