Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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