I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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