I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
