Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
