omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
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it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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