my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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