walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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