he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
