My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
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Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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