i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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