On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
