Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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