I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
