It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
