Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
