if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
