you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
time to smoke my breakfast
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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